I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
