You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
