I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize