As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
