I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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