Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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