And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i think i just lost a toe
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
