I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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