Say something about gay babies.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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