I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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