No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
