I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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