Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
