so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
