At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
