Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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