I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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