I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My dick has a subreddit
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
