Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
