you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
