you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
