dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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