Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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