I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
