At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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