shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
