Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
