hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
