The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
