Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I think my moral compass just broke
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
