I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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