Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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