Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
