You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
