Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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