I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
