chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
