I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
