yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
