Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
