theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
