thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
