I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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