had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
