Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
