I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
