its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
