When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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