so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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