Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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