somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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