I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
