You can't motorboat a personality
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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