maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
