Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
