thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
