I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
