Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
