Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize