dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
