thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
