I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
