I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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