Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
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