i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize