It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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