I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize