yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
